


Something Broken (Something Beautiful)

by orphan_account



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alicia and Althea set out on a mission to rescue their friends from The Pioneers after the events that transpired at Humbug's Gulch. Some secrets come to light during their journey and true feelings are revealed.
Relationships: Althea & Alicia Clark, Althea/Alicia Clark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	1. disintegrate into a thousand pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first story within this universe and I'm super excited about it. I just can't get enough of this pairing. Decided this is a better time than any to start it considering I can't leave my house. I hope you enjoy!

For a moment she was back to before. Not so far that the dead had yet to roam the Earth, but back to a simpler time within the chaos. Her mother was there, as was Travis, both of them all smiles as they walked side by side along the river bank. The scene was so vivid that she was sure she could feel the breeze through her hair and inhale the scent of the fresh running water. 

In the distance, just beyond the trees, she could make out what looked to be wooden buildings. Houses. There were other people too. More survivors. They laughed and smiled, and appeared as if they had hope still, like they had finally found a semblance of happiness in what remained of this gloomy world. 

“Alicia?” Just as the sound of her name drifted over to her, a figure stepped within her view. It blocked out the sun, casting a small shadow upon her and giving her eyes a moment to adjust. 

_Nick._

It took mere seconds for the tears brimming her eyes to spill over and coat her already flushed cheeks. Her brother had an expression of confusion and slight discomfort, just as he always did when she cried because between the two of them, she was supposed to be the strong one. 

He took a step closer, his hands immediately moving to wipe away the teardrops. Alicia could see his mouth moving, but she could no longer make out what he was saying. The words had become distorted, almost like he was yelling into the wind a mile away. 

A ringing began to break through and it only grew louder with each passing moment. “I - I can’t hear you,” she struggled to speak over the piercing sound. 

Nick grasped her shoulders, a look of pure panic washing over his features. His fingers dug painfully into her skin causing her to wince. He was still talking, or rather yelling, but there was only the ringing. 

Finally, his voice was able to penetrate the ringing, the intensity of the command causing her to jolt backwards. “Alicia! Wake up!”

* * *

Alicia awoke with a gasp, the rush of oxygen back into her lungs leading to a small coughing fit. Everything then hit her at once. The Pioneers. Being split up from her group. _Gunshots._ Then the pain. The fucking pain was nearly unbearable and the throbbing in her head only amplified this. 

It took a minute, but she was slowly beginning to regain the use of her limbs. Her fingers were the first to move, followed by her arms, and then her legs. Alicia tried to push herself up a couple of times, but with each attempt came failure. She fell back down with a thud, the little bits of glass further digging into her skin. Why did she think this had been a good idea? Why couldn’t she just go with the plan of being taken back to Paradise Ridge with the others? Leave it to her to rebel against the group, marking her as nothing more than a soon-to-be-dead stubborn ass in a pile of wreckage. 

After her heel had connected with the back of the older man’s head who was driving the truck, catching him off guard and causing him to swerve, Wes lunged forward to grasp either side of his head. He used brute force to slam the old man’s face into the driver's side window, followed by the steering wheel. 

The man tried to keep hold of the steering wheel, but the sudden attack had knocked him nearly unconscious. Blood seeped from his nose and dripped down onto the stupid key pendant The Pioneers wore. Alicia could see him attempt to reach for the revolver holstered to his belt. If he succeeded in this, then her friends would all surely be killed right along with her and Wes. She went for it also, her fingertips only grazing the metal before her entire body was jerked to the right. The sound of crunching metal and shattering glass was deafening. Alicia had no control over her body which was being tossed back and forth due to the impact of the truck flipping and clattering against the ground.

The last thing she heard was Wes’ screams, and then everything went black.

That’s what got her into this situation. Her own stupidity and need to be the savior. 

“Wes?” She choked out, repeating his name a couple of times. There was no response. Alicia was hoping he was just knocked unconscious as she was, but the amount of blood she could see in the front of the truck was telling her otherwise. 

With a deep inhale, Alicia began to pull herself out of the wreckage. Every inch of her body was screaming at her, demanding that she stop moving. She clawed at the dented metal that she was lying on, which was previously the top inside of the truck, until she was able to grasp the edge from the now broken window. Remaining jagged pieces of glass punctured her palms, though she was unfazed. What’s a few more cuts to join her multitude of injuries? 

Although she hurt worse than she ever had before, there was a significant stabbing sensation coming from her right thigh. Upon further inspection, she assumed this was due to the large glass shard protruding from it. Wonderful. But, first thing’s first - she had to get out of the truck. 

Alicia had almost succeeded in pulling herself through the open window. She had shimmied most of her body onto the cracked pavement when something prevented her from going further. A bloodied hand clutched her ankle and used more strength than she thought possible to try pulling her back in. With a twist of her upper body, Alicia’s eyes came into contact with the reanimated corpse of the old man. He was still strapped into the truck by the seat belt, but that wasn’t stopping him from forcefully opening and closing his mouth and straining his neck to get a bite of her. 

With the last bit of energy she could muster up, Alicia fought through the pain of her injured leg and kicked the old man in the head a few times until his grip loosened enough for her to scurry away. She groaned and winced, though she wasn’t even able to fully pull herself up into a standing position. If she was going to make it out of this alive, then she knew she had to get the glass out of her thigh. 

While she was worried about the walker breaking free and making her dinner, she was also concerned about The Pioneers finding her. The crash couldn’t have been quiet and the other cars hadn’t been too far ahead. Ginny had also lingered back in the old west town, so it was only a matter of time before she came upon the wreckage. 

Alicia had to work fast. Her hands were rather shaky, but she had managed to unbutton the top she was wearing leaving her in a black tank. It wasn’t the most ideal attire considering it left a good portion of herself exposed, but it was either that or risk bleeding out. Alicia dropped her focus to the glass lodged into her thigh. She couldn’t tell how deep it was, though it was probably two or three inches in diameter. This was definitely going to hurt.

“Fuck,” she breathed out when the slightest touch to the glass caused her to wince. There was no time for this. She had to get off the road before someone - dead or alive - stumbled upon her. No hesitation. Alicia grasped onto the glass and abruptly pulled upwards until all that was left was a bloodied gash. She cried out in pain, but was quick to wrap her shirt around the wound, pulling it tight in an attempt to help slow the bleeding until she could stitch it up. 

It had taken her a bit longer than what was ideal in this situation for her to fully stand up. Just the simple movements had caused her to tire out. She couldn’t think about how tired she was, though. So, with the large piece of glass once again clutched in her hand, Alicia limped over to the truck. She forced the shard through the side of the old man’s head but not before he had managed to grab a hold of her ankle once more. Given that it was her bad leg, it sent her falling to the ground in a heap of both mental and physical exhaustion. 

The darkness once again set in.

* * *

“What the hell was that?!”

Al jumped from shock, the loud crash causing her to crouch down in the seat as if to protect herself. Her eyes were wide as she turned to gaze out the back window of the SUV she had been previously forced into. Her first thought was that something exploded, but the lack of flames quickly pushed that assumption aside. That’s when she realized the truck which had been trailing behind was no longer there. Instead, it was off to the side of the road. Upside down. 

“What was that noise?” The person over the walkie voiced their question again, this time with more force behind the infliction. 

“Something with Ray behind us. Keep going. I’ll check it out.”

The SUV paused and began moving again, now headed in the direction it had come from. Al knew that the flipped truck had held Alicia and Wes, so it really was no surprise to her that this situation had occurred. She always thought herself to be pretty reckless in most events, but Alicia definitely took the crown this time. 

Jeff, the man driving the SUV, was mumbling profanities beneath his breath as they approached the wreckage. He wasn't too thrilled about the delay to Paradise Ridge, nor was the person on the other end of the walkie. “Don't move,” he muttered to Al right before shifting the SUV into park and killing the ignition. 

If he honestly thought she wasn't going to move, then he was delusional. 

Al waited until he had taken a few steps away from the SUV to make her escape. She dug into the side of her boot to retrieve the small knife she had hidden prior. It wasn't necessarily her weapon of choice, but she had taken some notes from Alicia when it came to always being prepared. It was also much easier to conceal than her push dagger. 

The back doors had been child locked, preventing her from easily exiting. But that wasn’t going to stop her. Al extended a leg over the center console so she could climb into the front seat of the SUV before eventually accomplishing the task and landing on her feet outside. She pressed her back into the side of the car in hopes of not being seen, now taking this time to assess her surroundings. 

Glass, paper, and other random contents that had been in the crumpled truck scattered across the road. Her eyes were frantic as she scanned over it. There had to be a weapon somewhere within it all. 

“What happened?” The crackling voice came through the walkie again and pulled her attention back to the task at hand. 

Jeff was cautiously stepping over objects while mumbling something back into the walkie. If she strained her neck just enough then she could see what appeared to be a body lying on the ground. 

Alicia.

Whether she was alive or dead was still a mystery. No matter the answer to that, Al couldn’t just let her remain there. If anyone deserved better, it was Alicia. 

Al decided that she couldn’t waste anymore time. The person on the other end of the walkie was proving to be rather impatient, so she was sure more Pioneers would be arriving sooner rather than later. If all went well, then she would be long gone by then. 

With a long stride, Al closed the space between herself and Jeff. A protest came from within his chest, but died as soon as her knife lodged into the back of his head, right at the base of his neck. Normally she had an issue with killing the living. Some may be the villains of their story, but they weren’t the true enemy. She had chosen to make an exception in this instance. 

“Alicia?” Al dropped down to the road by the unmoving body of her friend. _Friend?_ That may be a bit of a stretch. 

The steady rise and fall of her chest let Al know that she was indeed still alive. She shook Alicia’s shoulders, lightly tapped her cheek a few times, and even tried to lift her up thinking that maybe she could carry her. That was a definite no. 

“Alicia, you need to wake up. Alicia!” 

* * *

There were no dreams to haunt her this time. All she could see was blackness, just a dark void that held nothing. Was this what death was like?

No, she wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be. 

As she struggled to open her eyes, she could make out a face above her despite her blurry vision. The face was flustered, as was the tone of voice she could now pick up on. 

“Al?” She groggily whispered, her eyes falling closed again.

“No, Alicia, you need to stay awake.” 

Hands grabbed her shoulders and forced her up into a sitting position. Her body was limp, but she was somewhat conscious. Alicia could feel the pressure of being lifted underneath her arms and she did the best she could to help. The darkness was calling to her again. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep and hopefully be greeted by the happy faces of her past once more. 

Alicia stumbled, finding it nearly impossible to hold herself up. She had fallen into the chest of the person helping her, who was trying with all of their might to drag her down the road. God, when would the pain go away? 

Before she fully knew what was happening, she could feel herself being placed against something soft. Well, softer than the ground had been. There was a bit of rummaging around her, like someone was in a hurry, and then there was nothing. 

How long she had been out was unknown to her. Unfortunately, the sleep hadn’t been as restful as she had hoped it to be. Alicia was jostled awake, her eyes abruptly opening so that she was staring up at the top of a car. It wasn’t completely dark, though still the light was dim. It had to be sometime close to morning. 

“Nice of you to finally join the living.” Al stared at her through the rearview mirror, and despite the poorly timed joke, there was no amusement in her expression. 

Alicia remained silent. She was trying to gather herself while regaining her consciousness. The past events were still a bit of a blur for her, though flashes were beginning to appear within her memory. She grasped at the side of her head as she tried to sit up, a small wince showing through her usually stoic composure. This was worse than the hangover she endured back in high school after spending all night taking shots of cheap liquor. 

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know...about fifty miles from the wreckage.” Al shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, like this was a casual conversation between two buddies on a road trip. 

With a shake of her head, Alicia slid into a sitting position in the back of the SUV and ignored the stabbing pain in her thigh warning her to take it slow. “We have to go back. Morgan was - is - still in the town.” 

Al cut her off before she could continue, administering her own head shake and sound of disapproval. “If Morgan is still alive, and that’s a big ‘if’, then he can take care of himself.” 

“We can’t just leave him there! And what about Wes? Can he take care of himself just like Morgan?”

“I saw the wreckage, Alicia. Okay? Believe me, Wes isn’t...there’s no way he survived.” 

Alicia wanted to fight back. She wanted to argue and debate until Al gave in, just as she always did, and turned the car around. The pounding in her head prevented this. Their short conversation had exhausted her and she knew that if she was going to be saving anyone then it had to wait until she was well enough. She would be of no use with a bum leg and a concussion. 

Al muttered something about a truck stop further up the road. Alicia made no remark in response, instead choosing to focus on the passing fields from the window. 

* * *

“Here.” Al tossed a medical bag in her direction and set a bottle of water down on the wooden table top. They had already done a sweep of the truck stop, both inside and out, and after killing a couple of dead holed up in the bathroom, things were quiet. Now was a better time than ever to tend to her injury. 

Alicia hadn’t spoken a word since their bickering in the car. Most would say that she was pouting, and maybe she was, but she was also thinking. Someone had to come up with a plan of action and she was sure that someone wasn’t going to be Al. 

The first thing she did was take a couple of the aspirin packets that were stored in the bag. She didn’t think it would fully help the throbbing in her head, let alone the rest of the pain she was feeling, but it was better than nothing. 

Al sat on the bench beside her, though at a distance due to Alicia’s outstretched leg, straddling the seat so that they were facing each other. She didn’t say anything either, choosing to let Alicia sulk in silence for as long as she needed. She had learned long ago that poking Alicia when she was already in a mood was never a good idea. It was in her best interest to keep her mouth shut. 

The first one to break the silence was Alicia. She was fumbling with the contents of the medical bag, more than likely trying to take inventory of what she had to work with. “Is there another pair of pants?” She didn’t take her eyes away from the mess she had created. She clearly couldn’t even be bothered to look in Al’s direction.

“Yeah, I found your bag in the wreckage, and it looked like most of everything was still inside of it.” Al stood from the bench and walked a few feet away to where she had parked the SUV. After a bit of shifting in the back of it, she returned with the bag Alicia had managed to shove all of her belongings into. With her approach she realized Alicia was no longer wearing her torn and bloodied jeans. She had kicked them aside on the dirt ground, leaving her in only a tank and her underwear. 

“Well...this isn’t how I imagined seeing you naked again.” Al flashed a sideways grin in an attempt to lighten the mood, even if only a miniscule amount. Alicia said nothing in return. Not that she had expected any different. 

Alicia was far too concerned with the deep gash in her leg to even think about entertaining Al with a bit of back and forth. She had managed to stop most of the bleeding, now all that's left to do was stitch it up. Without the assistance of June, she would have to do it herself. Pouring a bit of the alcohol onto the wound brought forth a pain-filled groan from within her chest. She pressed her lips together in a tight line in an attempt to muffle it, but the way Al flinched let her know she hadn’t fully succeeded in doing so. 

“Do you want me to do it for you? Or can I help you in some way?” 

“Just get me a pair of jeans.” Alicia muttered through gritted teeth as she began threading the needle through her skin agan, and again, and again. Her hands were shaking from the pain and she considered taking a small break, but decided against it. Instead, she pushed through, just as she always did. Nearly an hour later she had finished the haphazard suturing job on her thigh and had it wrapped with a couple of layers of gauze. 

“Stop being stubborn and let me help you.” Al pushed away from the tree she was resting against when she noticed Alicia was going to try to get the new pair of pants on by herself. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she could do it, possibly without popping a stitch, but she would save herself a headache with some assistance. Alicia made a sound of protest, explaining that she could do it, one that Al ignored. With her arm grasping Alicia around the waist, Al allowed her to lean into her side so that they could pull the jeans up together. Her left leg first, followed by the injured one which they took a bit slower. 

“Thanks.” Alicia mumbled once she was standing on her own and buttoning the pants. 

“Don’t mention it.”

“I meant for everything...saving me. I’d probably be dead if it hadn’t been you in front of us.” 

Al shrugged in response. It wasn’t as big of a deal as Alicia was making it out to be. She knew that she would’ve done the same for her. “That was just a stroke of luck.” 

* * *

Silence had settled between them as they sat. It wasn’t long before Alicia had grown bored and went to rummage through the contents of the SUV while Al laid across the top of the table, soaking up the sun. She found a few maps, one that was of the area she assumed they were in. With it unfolded on the hood of the car, she attempted to assemble a plan. While she did want to go back for Morgan, she knew that there probably wouldn’t be much of him left to find. The thought alone caused her stomach to churn. 

“Want some company?” Alicia lifted her gaze to see Al walking towards her. She instinctively had her hand on the baretta strapped to her waist, just in case. Her cheeks were pink from the sun but Alicia decided to spare her the comment of needing to take the benefits of sunblock more seriously. A lift of Al’s brows in a questioning gesture let it be known that she was indeed staring, and maybe a little hard, though the slight smirk tugging at Al’s lips solidified the fact that she had been caught. 

Alicia tapped her finger against the map, right above a small ‘X’ she had made with a pen. “We’re here,” she explained, her finger then sliding to another marker, “and this is where Paradise Ridge is from what you and Morgan told me.” 

Al slid around the SUV until she was standing shoulder to shoulder with Alicia, her gaze focusing down on the map. She figured the third ‘X’ marked was where they had come from, where Morgan was. 

“Please don’t tell me you want to go back for Morgan first.” Al knew Alicia better than Alicia would ever admit. Her heart was too big for a world like this, and while she was good at calling the shots, sometimes they weren’t in everyone’s best interest. 

“He could still be alive.” Alicia’s voice was small, like she was nervous to speak the words. 

“Alicia, even if he is alive, he’s injured. That’s one more person to take care of, and if he’s not...then we’ve wasted a full day driving back out there for a walker.” 

Alicia fired back the phrase her mom would always say with little hesitation. “No one’s gone until they’re gone.” 

The response resonated with Al more than she wanted it to. Her brain was telling her to put her foot down about this, to tell Alicia that they were not going back for Morgan first, but instead the rest of their group that was more than likely still alive. Unfortunately...that’s not what left her mouth. 

“Fine,” she uttered in defeat, “but I hope you have a plan B for when this doesn’t pan out the way you want it to.” 

Alicia chuckled while gathering the maps so they could get moving, showing the first real emotion she had been able to all day. “We’re already on plan D at this point, Al.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm not sure how long this is going to be just yet. Just going to take it one chapter at a time. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback, so feel free to reach out in the comments! 
> 
> I'll also have a song for each chapter, sort of what was used as inspiration for me towards the overall tone/feeling. This chapter was the song Ashley by Halsey (the chapter title was also taken from this). I've made it Alicia's unofficial theme song.


	2. these days i'm just blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's chapter two! It's a bit longer than the first chapter, though I'm not sure if that's good or bad.   
> Do people prefer shorter, more frequent chapters? Or longer ones that may take longer to publish? Let me know!
> 
> Chapter song: Blue by Zaia.

The look on Alicia’s face was the same as when they had first met. Full of anger, uncertainty, _fear_. She wasn't holding a sharpened point to her throat like she had been then, though it wasn't something Al would put past her. The day was still young, after all. With that being said - Alicia’s expression piqued her curiosity. What could be going through her mind to send her to such a headspace again? 

“Stop staring at me.” 

Al found herself shifting in the seat, her grip on the steering wheel tightening. She shook her head just as she abruptly focused her eyes back on the road, occasionally glancing out the window as if a passing sign with a faded advertisement was the most interesting thing she had ever seen. 

“I'm not staring at you.” She replied, a tone of offended disbelief present. Honestly, Al hadn't even realized that she had been staring. It was easy to get distracted when the drive back to Humbug’s Gulch was a straight road and she didn't have the radio to keep her attention. To say that it was a ‘boring’ drive would be an understatement. 

“I could feel your eyes on me.” 

Nothing was said in response to Alicia’s accusation. The silence once again settling in. 

It was clear that things were tense between them. Alicia no longer knew how to act around people. Not just when it came to Al, but everyone. There was always so much weight placed upon her shoulders, that she felt as if she wasn’t doing her job if she let herself feel anything other than anger and the need to know what comes next. Happy moments were fleeting in a time like this, so what was the point in seeking them out? Anytime she began to feel remotely happy, the new way of life swooped in and took it away from her...usually in the form of death. 

“It’s going to be okay, ya know.” Al’s voice drifted through the silence, soft and full of concern. Why did she always have to use that stupid tone with her? 

Alicia leaned her head against the glass of the window. “Nothing is ever okay anymore.” She muttered before allowing her eyes to flutter closed in a hopeful attempt of getting a short nap in. 

* * *

They had made it back to the wreckage from the night before, or what was left of it. It appeared as if someone had swept most of it from the road. More than likely so their own vehicles could get through without issue. Al wanted to sift through what she could, though. The only weapons they currently had were two knives and a gun. While those would be useful if they happened to stumble upon some walkers, it wouldn’t do much to protect them against the living. Not when she only had three shots left in the baretta. 

“Just stay in the car. I’ll be right back.”

Alicia furrowed her brow at Al before immediately shaking her head in protest to her demand. “I’m not staying in the car.” She was already in the process of opening the door when Al took a couple of steps forward from where she had been standing, forcing the door shut again before Alicia could make any attempt to exit. 

“You can barely walk, Alicia. I’m just going to see what I can find. You will literally be able to see me the entire time.” 

Al knew this wasn’t about her own well-being or because Alicia would grow bored if she stayed in the car. This was all spawning from Alicia’s constant need to be in control. Despite being injured, she couldn’t just let someone else take the reins, even if for a few minutes. 

The two women stared at each other through the open window, silently daring the other to make a move. Al wouldn’t be able to guard the door and sort through the wreckage at the same time, so that meant Alicia could hop out whenever she wanted. It would be nice to have a second pair of hands, if for no other reason than to save some time, but Alicia being injured made her a liability. Was that going to stop her? Definitely not. 

Al loosened the hold she had on the door which Alicia took quick note of because she had managed to open the door again as soon as Al took a step back in defeat. She really had to stop giving in to whatever Alicia wanted. If past experiences told her anything, then it would only land her in some sort of trouble. 

“I don’t wait in the car.” Alicia exclaimed as she limped by Al, leaving her standing in place momentarily with a look of utter annoyance present across her face. 

In all honesty, Alicia didn’t have much hope for finding anything useful in the mess. She pushed through trash and broken bits of the truck, but found nothing that held any means to them. It appeared as if they were going to have to get creative with weapons, though it wouldn’t be the first time. Alicia still had scars going across the middle of her palms due to her chosen item of protection after Al had crashed - or crash landed - the plane. If it meant their survival, then she would split open her hands again and again with no hesitation. 

Alicia stood off the side of the road where the main portion of the truck remained. Her hands were on her hips, her eyes focused down on the broken window she had crawled out of only hours prior. Right next to it, the rotting body of the old man still hung upside down. Ginny clearly had no interest in burying her people. While scanning the remains, she caught sight of something that could potentially be useful to them. Maybe not when it came to their protection, but it definitely placed them back in the game. 

“Hey, Al…” she called out as she carefully squatted, fighting through the protest her leg made in the form of stabbing pains. Alicia leaned in to the front of the truck, her nose scrunching up in disgust from the smell of the decaying flesh, but that wasn’t going to stop her. The black rectangle was just out of her reach. With a huff, she pressed up against the truck so she could extend her reach by a couple of inches. Just as she was able to grasp the walkie, something swatted at her hand before ultimately taking hold of her. 

“Al!” Alicia yelled when she was unable to remain in her squatting position. She was forced onto her side from the shock of the attack, giving her a full view into the front of the truck. Wes’ corpse remained strapped into the seat, just as the old man’s was, but the unnatural angle of his neck caused her eyes to widen and her stomach to churn. His head was still there, for the most part, but it was barely hanging onto his neck, a sheet of metal lodged into it. The sight was horrifying mainly because this was someone she knew, someone she had bonded with. 

Walker Wes continued to grab at her arm, his nearly decapitated head groaning and chomping in her direction. She stared at his cloudy eyes, a stark contrast to his blood covered face which left her frozen. Not in fear, but in guilt. The sound of screeching metal brought her back to the reality of what was happening. Alicia was able to grab the walkie again just as Al forced a knife through Wes’ head, his reanimated body going limp and releasing her arm. 

Alicia was quick to push back from the truck, her body scooting across the road and broken glass which she was sure only added more cuts to the many she already had. It wasn’t long before Al was kneeling in front of her. She was frantically examining the arm Walker Wes had tried to bite into, twisting and turning it until she realized that the blood smeared across her skin belonged to their dead friend and not from a fresh wound.

“Are you okay?” Al kept her fingers locked around Alicia’s wrist, her other hand grasping onto her shoulder to keep her steady. It was clear that Alicia was shaken up by the walker, though she was sure it didn’t have to do with nearly being bitten. That was part of their day to day life at this point. Seeing someone you cared about alive, but _not alive_ , was not. 

Instead of responding to Al’s question, Alicia opted to hold up the walkie she was still clutching in her other hand. Al squinted her eyes at it, a bit confused by the significance of the find. Then, she suddenly came to the realization that the walkie wasn’t one of theirs, but one that belonged to The Pioneers. The walkie wasn’t worth either of their lives, but having it could possibly give them a one up on Ginny and her minions. If it was able to reach Paradise Ridge, then they could hear whatever was communicated between The Pioneers. This was definitely going to come in handy...given it was charged.

Al merely smiled at Alicia after taking the walkie from her and hooking it onto the side of her belt. She allowed her fingers to drift down from her wrist to her hand, firmly grasping it so she could help hoist Alicia from the ground. 

“I really hope you don’t plan on making this whole ‘me saving you’ thing a habit.” Al teased, a smile lingering across her lips, “although I do like the feeling of being needed.” 

This caused Alicia to cut her eyes at her Al. Her expression was flat, very much unamused. Alicia wanted to remind Al that she didn’t need her, she didn’t _need_ anyone anymore, but that was an argument for another day. Right now, she knew they needed to get to the old west town before they lost the daylight. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Alicia shot back. 

Al’s grin didn’t falter. 

* * *

Everything was completely and utterly fucked. 

If something could go wrong, then it would. It _had_. 

Alicia sat against the far back wall of the church, her hands bloody and shaking. Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the splatters of blood and further dragging the tinge of red across her skin. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. She had been nervous when arriving back to the old west town, but she also felt a bit of hope when walkers didn’t immediately greet them at the gate. Maybe Morgan had survived and managed to kill all that had shuffled upon him. Maybe someone else from their group had broken free and returned to the town. Maybe.

Unfortunately, they weren’t so lucky. 

Alicia had cried over what remained of Morgan after Al put him down. She had to keep telling herself that it wasn’t Morgan anymore. That the person they knew was no longer with them and this was just a decaying shell with his face. Their arrival had drawn the attention of some stray walkers which cut her mourning short. She managed to pull herself together long enough to help Al clear the town, but once they had decided it was safe, she stumbled away to be by herself for a bit. 

Wes hadn’t been someone near and dear to her, though his face still haunted her. Seeing Morgan limping along with bits of his flesh ripped away from the bone was what truly sent her over the edge. That was two people within a few hours that they lost. Both of which she could’ve saved if she had just made different choices. At least that’s what Alicia told herself. 

Al had taken this time to fully dispose of Morgan’s body. She didn’t have a shovel to dig a grave for him like they normally would, so all she could do was drag him to the back edge of the town where the grass began. All she wanted was to get him out of sight from Alicia because she wasn’t sure how Alicia would react if she saw him again. 

Morgan hadn’t been a walker long enough for the aesthetics of it to fully sink in. His skin was a dull dark grey and the wounds that scattered his body were something from a gore soaked movie, but he still kind of looked like himself. “Rest easy,” Al whispered down to his corpse. Tears stung her eyes, but she was able to blink them away. While she had never been a religious person, not after all of the horrors she had seen even before their current hell, a part of her had hope that he was with his wife and son again. It’s what she had to believe in order to cope with all of the loss. 

The sun was beginning to set, casting an eerie quiet among the old west town. Al didn’t think anyone from Paradise Ridge would be back and she had made sure there were no holes in the fence surrounding the town, so for all intents and purposes, they were alone. She began to rummage through her findings from the wreckage which she had shoved into a bag just before Alicia’s attack. A long piece of metal that had been broken to a point that could be used as a weapon, three bottles of water, and a book of matches had been scavenged. Not bad for a quick haul.

To make sure her thoughts remained occupied, she had to keep busy. Al shifted things around in the SUV so she could fully lay down the second row of seats to make a makeshift sleeping area for them. After that, she built a small fire not too far from the vehicle with the help of the matches she had found. The temperature was beginning to drop, so this would give them heat and a bit of light so they weren’t stumbling into each other in the dark all night. It wasn’t the best set up, but it got the job done. 

Al had just popped open a can of sliced peaches when Alicia emerged from the church. Her gaze followed Alicia’s movements, silently watching as she took a seat on the ground a couple of feet from her. The flickering flames illuminated her damp cheeks and somehow only accentuated her battered expression. This wasn’t the Alicia she was used to seeing. She looked more damaged now than she had when Nick was shot, though she assumed that’s because so much anger had been within her then. A person could run off anger, but sadness was a different story. There was no fuel in sadness.

Without a word, Al extended out her arm to offer the can of peaches to Alicia. Much to her surprise, she took the fruit sans protest. That was quite the shocker. Sometimes even depression couldn’t block out the growling of an empty stomach.

“I think it’s a little odd that Ginny left bottles of water behind.” Al was tired of the quiet. She had been as generous as she could with it for Alicia’s sake all day, but now it was beginning to get to her. Talking was something she was good at. Telling stories, getting stories, just simple communication. 

Alicia passed the can of fruit back to Al, her thin shoulders shrugging in response to her observation. “Maybe she wanted to be nice.” Just saying the words in reference to Ginny felt odd since that didn’t seem like her style at all. She was sure stranger things had happened. 

Al chuckled as she chewed, obviously not buying it. “You know something,” she began once she had swallowed, “nobody ever does anything to be nice. They always want to get something out of it.”

“What would Ginny want from us?”

“We’re useful because we’re resilient...especially you. Ginny likes useful people.”

Aside from Madison, Alicia was one of the toughest people she had ever met. _That_ was useful. She did a hell of a job carrying on her mother’s legacy, whether she realized it or not. Al dug into the can of peaches once more before passing it to Alicia again for a final time. “Your mom would be proud of you,” she exclaimed when Alicia took the can from her, their gaze briefly meeting. There was a shift in Alicia’s expression, though she couldn’t place it. Could it have been disbelief? Maybe uncertainty? 

“Two people are dead because of me,” Alicia set the can of fruit aside, her appetite dissipating. “That’s nothing to be proud of.” 

“What happened wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have stopped Ginny from doing what she did.” 

“I could’ve pushed harder for us to fight back instead of giving up. I could’ve at least just gone through with the plan of being taken back to Paradise Ridge instead of...being the reason why Wes is dead.” 

Al lowered her eyes to the ground, slowly nodding along to the nonsense Alicia was spewing. The fact that she thought any of that to be true was heartbreaking. The problem was that Alicia took on all of the responsibility of everything. It didn’t matter what the situation was. Someone could get a cold and she would find a way to blame herself for it. 

“I don’t do enough when I should, and then I do too much when I shouldn’t.” Alicia continued, her voice nearly a whisper now. 

Trying to convince Alicia otherwise would be an impossible task. She rarely changed her mind once she had it made up, especially when it came to her opinions on herself. 

Pushing herself up from the ground, Al carefully stepped over Alicia so she could get over to the SUV. She grabbed her backpack from the front seat and then joined her in front of the fire again, now digging through the random articles of clothing and blank tapes she had acquired over the last few months. 

“I was trying to save this for a happier time, but I think it might be needed.” Al held up a bottle of whiskey that was already to the halfway point. Victor had given it to her one night when he noticed that she had been having a hard time sleeping, promising that one swallow would send her straight to dreamland. It took more than one swallow, but he hadn’t been far off. 

Usually Al wouldn’t suggest self medicating with alcohol because it was a slippery slope, especially during trying times such as these. She figured that a few sips wouldn’t hurt, though. Without having much in their stomachs, it’s probably all they would need to ease the pain of their day. 

“I guess it couldn’t hurt.” Alicia reached for the bottle, opting to take the first swallow of the night. 

* * *

“Do you remember the last time we got drunk?” 

The simple question sent Alicia into a fit of laughter. She had her hand over her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound, a gesture which was of no use. 

“Victor had gotten so mad!” Al exclaimed over the vibration of Alicia’s fading chuckles. She passed the bottle back to Alicia, who was still trying to gather herself as she took a sip from the dark liquor, though also nodding at the mention of the memory. 

*

It had been back at the denim factory, when things were easier and their biggest worry for a short amount of time was what items would go in which box. Sarah had just finished up yet another batch of beer and guilted them into trying it. Although extremely hesitant, they agreed. It hadn’t necessarily been good, but it was still leaps and bounds better than the previous batch had been. 

For a while it was just the two of them along with Strand because the others had called it a night. Strand was attempting to teach Alicia how to play Poker, but her inability to fully grasp the game had irked his nerves to the point where he excused himself for the remainder of the night. “I’m used to board games!” She hollered through her laughter after tossing a handful of cards into the air due to her own frustrations. Al had the camera focused on Strand, the range of emotions he was experiencing quite clear in his facial expressions. She was so glad she had it all on tape. 

“Clean up your mess, Alicia, and keep it down.” Strand grumbled as he sulked off to the other side of the factory where he could hopefully get a bit of peace and quiet. 

Alicia took a swallow from the beer bottle in her grasp just as Al had allowed the camera to settle on her face. She eyed her from her peripheral, chuckling. After setting the bottle back down, Alicia turned so she was facing the camera, leaning in closer to it. “Someone is a buzzkill,” she whispered to the camera lens, her hand on Al’s knee to keep herself steady. The wide grin that followed was captured for prosperity sake, forever remaining on the tape simply labeled ‘poker’. 

The rest of the night consisted of the two of them further exploring the denim factory. They had covered every inch of the large building before, but Alicia claimed that seeing things at night made a big difference. Al had taken a quick detour to switch out the tapes in her camera, just in case they did come across something interesting, unaware that Alicia had followed her into the little room she had claimed for her documentary items. There were a couple of tables in the room, one consisted of nothing but tapes while the other held only a couple of piles along with a booklet where she scribbled down notes about each story. 

“I’ve never seen this room before,” Alicia’s voice had caused Al to jump, her hand moving to clutch her chest. 

“Jesus, you scared me.” 

Alicia smiled at her, a string of laughter once again escaping. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed as much as she had that night. It was hard to find down time where one could just let loose and relax, especially now when they constantly had something going on. If they weren’t distributing boxes or out helping people, then they were tending to the factory. Making it feel as homey as possible was the goal, one that they were slowly reaching. 

Taking a few steps closer to where Al stood, Alicia chose a tape at random and flipped it so she could read the label scribbled on the side of it. “Goonies,” she smiled at the memory of the first movie night they had held in the factory. It was the only movie John had managed to find at the time, a discovery he was damn proud of. 

“It’s cute when John is pleased with himself,” Al admitted as she gently took the tape from Alicia’s grasp, returning it to the stack. It was then that she was able to realize just how close Alicia was standing to her. Al’s shoulder grazed against her chest, though Alicia made no attempt to put some space between them. This wasn’t the first time they had been close, but it was the first time she felt genuinely nervous about it. 

Without a bit of hesitation, Alicia reached out to firmly grasp the back of Al’s neck so she could force her down to her level, their lips immediately meeting. She was well aware of how tense Al was from the shock of her actions, but it was only seconds before she relaxed and leaned into her. Al turned to fully face her, her hands grasping onto her hips so she could guide Alicia back against the table. She was victorious in lifting Alicia up just enough for her to slide on to the tabletop, a couple of tapes clattering to the cement floor in the process. 

Their lips remained locked in a kiss that was full of need, only parting for a second so one of them could catch their breath before indulging in the other again. Al had found solace between Alicia’s parted legs, her hands sliding up along her thighs which earned her a small moan of approval from Alicia. Despite the alcohol, in the back of Al’s head, she couldn’t help but to wonder if this was a bad idea. That little sound from Alicia was all the answer she needed, though. The simple moan echoed in her mind and told her all that she needed to hear. Bad idea or not, it was happening. 

Alicia had succeeded in tugging her own shirt off, then dropping it to the floor to start their pile of ever growing clothes. It wasn’t long after that, that Al was kneeling in front of her, her name on Alicia’s lips as she pushed her over the edge with the help of her fingers and rhythmic flick of her tongue. The grip Alicia had on her hair expressed to her that it was only the beginning of their night together. 

*

The quiet they shared told Al that they were both thinking back to the same moment within the memory. She wanted to say that the memory ended on a happy note for them, but that wasn’t the case. At least not when morning came around. What Alicia had said to excuse her actions still hurt her, despite not being fully convinced by her justifications. 

“We all have needs, Al.” She had rationalized while pulling her clothes back on that night. “And sometimes those needs require the assistance of other people.” 

Without so many words, Alicia had basically told Al that she had been nothing more than a stress reliever via sex. It wasn’t the first time someone had said something along those lines to her, yet it happening during the apocalypse was new and unexpected.

Al wanted to say that it had been a one time thing, that she had seen the error of her ways and left it at that. Unfortunately, she was weak when it came to Alicia’s advances. After the second time, Al knew she couldn’t blame Alicia for the way she felt following their time together, not when she knew what she was getting herself into beforehand. Alicia didn’t want it to be anything more than sex. She had explained to Al that feelings only lead to someone getting hurt, and sometimes that wasn’t only in the emotional sense. So, Al sucked up her pride and opted to cater to both of their needs. 

They were both smart enough to know that it would never work out. If movies and books had told them anything, then it was that two people couldn’t _just_ have a physical relationship. Sooner or later, feelings would get in the way. Nevertheless, Alicia would never admit to this. She considered herself to be cursed when it came to having romantic feelings for someone, and she had the track record to prove it. Why would she want to subject someone else to that? 

“I think I’m going to go lay down,” Al vocalized after a moment. Things had shifted from lighthearted banter to something more pressing, and after the day they had both experienced, she knew better than to fall down that rabbit hole. 

Al didn’t wait for a response from Alicia before she was on her feet and making a beeline for the SUV. Without proper sleeping materials, she had decided to use her backpack as a pillow. The clothes she had shoved into it worked well enough to serve as a comfortable place to lay her head, much better than the flat surface of the trunk. It was the closest thing to a bed that she had been in since the takeover of the denim factory. 

It wasn’t long after Al had taken her leave that Alicia followed suit. She had toyed with the idea of sleeping outside in order to give Al a bit of space after their trip down memory lane, but the cold was already getting to her, as was the impending stiffness of her neck if she remained on the ground for much longer. Alicia rolled her head to stretch out her neck as she shuffled to the vehicle, her fingers massaging into the flesh. Despite their past, this would be the first time they had actually _slept_ together. Alicia was usually out the door before either of them could get too comfortable in the post glow of good sex. 

After climbing into the back of the SUV and pulling the hatch closed as quietly as she could, Alicia began to shift around until she could find a semi comfortable position. It was too flat and her legs were too long for the cramped space, but it was still better than sleeping on the dirt ground of the old west town. She released a sigh of frustration while repositioning every couple of minutes. Maybe this was an impossible task.

“Please hold still.” Al grumbled from beside her. She had her back turned to Alicia, and had almost managed to drift off to sleep, but the constant unsteady movements of the SUV managed to prevent her from doing so. 

“Sorry.” Alicia whispered into the darkness. Her movements paused for a couple of minutes, that was until her position was beginning to cause a cramp to form in her shoulders. The ache in her injured leg also wasn’t helping the situation. She propped herself up onto her elbows, her eyes scanning the contents of the vehicle. Most of their stuff was shoved into the front seat to allow them as much room as possible, but it still wasn’t enough. Alicia felt restricted, almost smothered even though nothing was touching her. 

It wasn’t the physical barriers hindering her. Alicia knew it was more of the mental block she had subjected herself to. Too much drifting through her mind had halted her body from being able to fully relax to the point of falling asleep. 

“I can’t get comfortable.” 

Al lifted her head enough so that she could slide the backpack over a bit, allowing enough room for both of them to share the cushion. “Here.” She fluffed out the dent her head had made with a few pats of her hand into the side of it, and then dropped back onto the section allotted for her. Al could feel Alicia shuffling again though her movements finally ceased once she was seemingly comfortable enough. 

Alicia was close, so close that every exhale caused the hair at the back of Al’s neck to tickle her skin. It was soothing in a way, and allowed her the insight of knowing when Alicia had finally fallen asleep. Her breathing had steadied, yet every now and then Alicia would shift closer to Al in her sleep, more than likely in an attempt to gain some of her warmth. It was funny to Al, this relationship of theirs, if you could even call it that. From the get go of whatever this was, Al knew that Alicia felt something for her. She didn’t have to admit it because it was evident in the way she would find Alicia looking at her or the little gestures she would make when no one else was around. Most of the time Al didn’t even know if Alicia was aware of it, but that’s what told her all she needed to know. 

Subconsciously, Alicia wanted Al in every aspect of the word. Though these trying times made it hard to focus on such trivial things, especially for Alicia since it would cause her to perceive herself as being selfish, it was true. 

There’s that quote that says it’s better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all, but Alicia would be the first to call bullshit on that. Losing someone she loved was one of the hardest things she had ever been put through, and it only proved more challenging each time she endured it. There had to be a point when it just stopped hurting, right? When the death of a loved one became insignificant. That’s what she told herself. So, as grim as it may sound, Alicia didn’t want that moment to occur when - not _if_ \- she lost Al, just as she had lost everyone else. Sometimes you needed that pain to help you push forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always struggle with knowing how to end chapters, so thank you for bearing with me through the jumpiness that may have occurred closer to the end.   
> Nevertheless, thank you for reading! 
> 
> I would also like to note that there will eventually be more action packed moments, but I wanted this story to mainly focus on the character's feelings and relationship with one another.


End file.
